just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
