I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
