the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
