her facebook's as public as her vagina
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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