worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
