We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
