Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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