You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
