I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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