Im at strip club and am horny
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
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