I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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