didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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