i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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