Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
