if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
