I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize