I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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