don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
