do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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