Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
