CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
