Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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