guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i came on her dog
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
