why didn't you poke me back
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
