I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm too high and old for this...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
