I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.