We won't sleep together?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.