a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.