i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Small penises have feelings too.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted