Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.