so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?