I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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