he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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