omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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