Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
