Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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