Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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