Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
