he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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