I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She bit a glass in half.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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