girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
