got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
