once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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