3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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