Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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