a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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