last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
