Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had to cum in my sink.
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