Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
