Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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