I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
