3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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