he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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