Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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