Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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