I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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