but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
