I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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