I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize