If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
