i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
