Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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