Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
