So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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